Mojo Mitchell makes Monday Raw seem real

Posted by Andy Durham on April 7, 2009 at 2:17 pm under Professional | 4 Comments to Read

from Bruce Mitchell at pwtorch.com:

Mojo Mitchell’s Raw Stream of What Becomes a Legend Most, Some Consolation Prizes, A Couple Of Random Stipulations, Some Truculence, and a Candidate Emerges

We start with what has been one of the the strengths of WWE production (even more lately) – a musical highlight package from last night’s Wrestlemania. The main event is everybody versus everybody in a tag match, including Ricky Steamboat. Why not? It’ll save some wear and tear on what has to be a tired crew after the biggest show of the year.

Randy Orton is in the ring. Here’s hoping he doesn’t get the world title just because Triple H used the sledgehammer last night.

Well, he’s complaining about it, and you people beside. He’ll get his rematch (good, he’s not getting a cheapie win, or more like it, Triple h isn’t losing the title without losing in the ring.) The family and company owe it to him. May God help the McMahon Family if they decide to get in my way again.”

The fans like this. RKO! RKO! RKO!

I haven’t seen Linda in awhile. How about I introduce myself to those McMahon Family grandchildren. (See, I told you Jarrett and Russo were ahead of the curve.)

Vince McMahon, looking like Senior more than ever, storms down to the ring like he wants to fight. Orton bails out, in light of the fact he’s looking at the toughest SOB in the valley.

McMahon says Orton isn’t getting any title shot after what he put the McMahon family through. He says the Backlash is coming, specifically a six-man main event with the McMahon Boys vs. Legacy.

Orton challenges Vince to a match. “Maybe you’ll put in a coma, maybe you’ll put me down, …maybe you won’t! I accept!”

I’m pretty sure this isn’t happening. I’m pretty sure Vince McMahon is past having singles matches.

Carlito & Primo Colon defend the Unified tag titles against Miz & Morrison with the Wrestlemania Consolation Prize Lumberjacks at ringside. Hey. Look there’s Goldust. I was wondering about him. Carlito pins Miz with the Backstabber while Morrison was swarmed at ringside by the CP Lumberjacks.

Uh oh, Vince has his shirt half off. Vince tells Shane he’s never backed down from a challenge. Vince wants to do this on his own. A director’s cue on the air gets the Vince eye.

John is shown making the media rounds for his movie. Hey, I thought Danny Bonaduce was TNA’s boy.

All the Divas face all the other Divas. Maybe we’ll be able to tell who some of them are. Like Gail Kim, who is facing Melina. Mickie James DDTs Natalyia for the win.

Shane tells Hunter he was trying to talk some sense into Dad. Hunter is going to give it a shot too.

The big everybody vs. everybody match is now the ten o’clock main event, seeing how Vince wants a piece of Orton and all.

Jeff Hardy, C.M. Punk with his Money In the Bank briefcase, new IC champ Rey Mysterio, new Hall of Famer Ricky Steamboat, & new World champ John Cena faces Chris Jericho, Kane, Matt Hardy (with a cocky head shake after his win last night). Big Show, & Edge. The fans really like Steamboat against Edge. That’s really cool. Everyone wants their turn with him. Kane finally back bodyslams in and tags in Jericho.

Huge “Let’s go Steamboat!” chant.

Later Rey gets a double 619 on Jericho and Edge and he and Steamboat pin Edge and Jericho with simultaneous flying bodypresses. That was a lot more fun, and a lot more how you treat a legend, than what happened last night.

Triple H tries to talk some sense into the old man. He even calls him “truculent.” In the end, he’s proud of him. Aren’t we all?

Excuse me! She says that she has decided to be the permanent General Mamager for Monday Night Raw. She brings fresh thinking and a sense of fairness. She announces that her husband Edge has one last chance at Backlash to retain his title against John Cena. She laughs.

She also announces that if Triple H’s team wins their six man at Backlash he retains his title, but if Randy Orton’s team wins he gets the world title. Why does she add this odd stipulation, seeing as how it wouldn’t make her bosses happy? She doesn’t say.

She forgot the part about Edge vs. John Cena being a Last Man Standing match. Why that particular stipulation? She doesn’t say.

They show the key moments from the Hall of Fame ceremony – Howard Finkel finally announcing himself as Newwww, the last collar and elbow tie-up ever between Ric Flair and Rick Steamboat, Vince McMahon proclaiming Steve Austin “the greatest WWE Superstar ever”, and Stone Cold Steve Austin saying goodbye to wrestling.

Ms. Wrestlemania, Santini Morella, is really happy until her husband shows up.

Santini faces Beth Phoenix. Santini wins. I guess she really is Miss Wrestlemania. I wonder what other PG 13 TV programming has anything remotely like this.

Randy Orton faces Vince McMahon, who comes out last. We start with the traditional Vince slap to start his matches. It’s one of those matches where when the fans realize what they’re really in for, the heat fades.

Bad match. Vince’s offense sucks, and he can’t sell. Orton hits an RKO. When he goes for the second Shane McMahon makes the save. Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase jump in. Triple H follows.

This doesn’t have anywhere near the heat it should. Triple H gets beaten down by Legacy.

The returning Batista makes the save. He Batista-bombs DiBiase. Vince says Orton was right, he won’t make Backlash “taking my place is Dave Batista.”

Could be a fun turn, and a final fourth member for the Horsemen…

Score 6.0

This was a tough show for WWE. They’ve got to be tired after Wrestlemania weekend, the NCAA finals blunt the ratings boost from the night after “Mania, and they still have to get Backlash up and running in three weeks. Then there’s next week three hour Raw Draft. The return of Batista should help some.

It does open up some possibilities. It was great to see today’s fans take to Ricky Steamboat. I hope WWE takes this where you want one more match, instead of taking it one match too far. Santini Morella is pretty fun. Morella really is fearless out there.


  • Mick said,

    My son wants to know…..

    What was the deal with Rey Mysterio and JBL? There has to be real backstory there. Just seemed odd. Somebody hurt? Contract issues? Or just a twist.

    “I quit”?

  • Andy said,

    JBL posted a farewell blog on the WWE Universe website earlier today. “I had wanted to make it to WM 25 for years, and when injuries cut my career short the one regret I had was that I wouldn’t make the 25th anniversary of Wrestlemania,” he wrote. “Well, I made it. I never dreamed after I retired the first time that my back would get better and I would be allowed to return to wrestling…

    “I don’t know what the future holds, never say never in life. But I have wrestled my last match. Months ago, I picked out this match. If Eddie Guerrero couldn’t be here for it then my dear friend Rey [Mysterio] was the obvious choice, and I’m proud he was. I want to thank the WWE for a great career, for taking a chance on me and allowing me the keys to the car for a while. I will always represent the WWE wherever I go, I am proud of my 13 ½ years with the WWE. And, I am proud of the WWE for cleaning up a great sport to make it more healthy to everyone that is a part.

    “However, I have no current plans on doing anything in the future on a professional level with WWE. I don’t plan on doing commentary. In fact, it hasn’t even been brought up to me. I don’t plan on being an on air character. I plan on starting the next chapter in my life, and closing the door on this one.” To read the full blog, visit WWE.com.

    Go to wwe.com to get the rest. Sounds like a business decision.

    JBL and Charlie Haas have some Energy Drinks they are working on as a business venture.

  • Bruce Mitchell said,

    JBL has back issues, and retired before to take a job as the Smackdown announcer. Now he’s retiring completely to both work for his wife, FOX’s Meredith Whitney, and to build his own supplement company.

  • notjimmelvin said,

    JBL’s back issues are a result of carrying no talent jabronies like Sean Michaels and Rey Mysterio in pay per views.